What I am not going to give you

I am not very expressive or eloquent and I don’t know how to start this one so as to get anyone to read it.  I was waiting for some extra ordinary sentences or a sequel which I could’ve started this post with.  Unfortunately I didn’t get anything to my mind so I am just starting without any “prologue” 😀

So the other day, I had a chance to travel faraway from my home to take part in a conference and on my way the conversation somehow shifted to a few things which really annoy me about our wedding systems or lets cut to the chase, the dowry that the bride is supposed to take to her new home.

Now when a girl gets married; she leaves her home, her parents and her siblings for one person and embraces to his home, parents and family (Obviously it means that she has to give up all her habits, interests, likes and dislikes and above all her time table).  She is expected to adjust herself into an all new environment which I personally believe is perfectly okay (for example, if she wakes up at 12 in the morning and rest of the members are early birds then obviously you don’t expect a dozen people to adjust according to your settings, so you have to change).

But the point where I disagree to this whole debate is the Jehaiz (dowry) part.

I am getting married (not really) to a guy (yes, I am straight) and I have to give up everything in my life and adjust with the timetable and habits and likes and dislikes of six people already a part of his family long before I was.  Okay.  But I have to take every single thing of my personal (and universal) use with me to his place?!?

You mean to tell me that I am supposed to bring a bed, sofa, couch, wardrobe, iron, washing machine, dinning table, dinner-set, water-set, bathroom set, kitchen set, curtains, carpets, car and everything that I might be using in future, myself?!?

When I am expected to adjust to the habits and way of living of 4-6 people of a family, couldn’t they let my put my clothes into their washers and let me use a plate out of their dinners sets for having my meals?  Couldn’t they put one extra chair on the dinner table already present in the house?  Couldn’t I just share their sofas and couches when my guests come (considering that once married hardly any girls are allowed to have their personal guest/friends over -_-).

The answer is a mere no.  And I simply don’t agree to it.

But just so that you know, if I am going to bring every single thing of my own use with me then you’ll have to adjust to my timetable as well babe or else I am not bringing a single penny -_-

Potayto Potaato

I am not really fond of having a lot of clothes, or lets just say I am not into filling up my wardrobe with any of the branded tags and stuff.  Not that I don’t like them or something, but they are a little too expensive.  A simple ‘Kurti‘ with two buttons on it (just that its hanging up in Blue Area, Supper or Jinnah Super Market) is not worth a 4k.  I wont spend my money on that; even if I really like it (though I might take out my camera/mobile and take a picture; buy the same color cloth for lets say RS: 600 max and tell my tailor to do that in RS 150).

Not that I am a very good Muslim following all the commandments about wastrel or being Scrooge or that I don’t have money (which may be I don’t have; not that kind at least), but when I am taking out a 4k out of my wallet for a simple ‘kurti‘ with two buttons on it, I know that I’ll have to spend another 4 to 5k to match it up with a jeans or trouser and a scarf, the amount of people living below the poverty line in MY country (spare the world) crosses my mind (invariably!).

It’s not that I am very noble (not that I am going to give that money to charity or something) but I just couldn’t stand spending so much for buying for one hang out with friends when I know that there are many who don’t even have this much for a whole month.  It’s also that I don’t feel like buying from the millionaires (who’d be turning into billionaires soon) who don’t even bother to keep their savings in Pakistani Banks.

Being a spendthrift is not appreciated in Islam as well.  Allah and HIS Messenger have forbidden us to spend on Lavishness.  Speaking of which I just remembered someone who could stand up for Potato Chips on the ‘Hilal Haraam Conundrum‘ and come up on a TV commercial (obviously not for free); ‘preaching’ (yes, not just telling but preaching) the people about the Chips being Hilal.  Yes, I am talking about our very own Junaid Jamshed and the ‘Hilal’ Lays Add.

Lays Chips Sou Fisad (its ‘percent’ not ‘hostility and uproar’) Hilal haen [please read it in the Arabic accent]

I know I am raising a dead issue (because only recently I’ve been into a ‘JJ’ Store) which has already been under a lot of controversies.  Mainly because he didn’t stood up for any issue, any good (or for that matter bad) cause.  He was practically indifferent to everything, but as soon as the Lays controversy about having pig’s oil in the preservatives sprung up, he modeled in the add cashing his beard (not that I have any issues but a lot of people did).

The Add says (and does not reflect any of my opinion) [I am just translating]: “Lays Chips are forbidden, Junaid Jamshed should ask for forgiveness”

[Just in case anyone is wondering about my opinion on lays; as soon as I got first text about it (although I know that for sells in Pakistan, they are produced in Pakistan), I researched about the ingredients and found out that they use fish oil or vegetable oil as preservatives and thus they are Hilal]

To me Junaid Jamshed was right or wrong wasn’t the controversy at all.  In fact as the famous columnist/Rj/TV Anchor Fasi Zaka casually (and somewhat jokingly) said in one of the airing’s of ‘The Fasi Zaka Show’ on Fm 91:

Us ko iis sae masla nahe tha kae lays haraam haen ya halal, usay sirf yah masla tha kae jab wo Tv kae samnay beth kae match dekhtay wae, Aik Lays Chips utha kae moun maen dalay tu koi aiteraaz na karay.

[He never had any issues with Lays being Hilal or Haraam; he only had a problem when while watching match on TV he would eat Lays and people would call it Haraam]

Anyhow, my point is that when I got into one of his stores in Jinnah Super (or Super maybe; I always confuse these two markets), I was shocked to see that one simple kurti was for 9; just kurti, no pants or trouser or even a scarf with it.  Only a simple shirt!

So if you want to buy just a shirt you should at least have $25 to $30 with you.

Teens Long Kurti at JJ (Check for yourself; Product code: JGK-YGK-1038) is for 35 USD which is equivalent to 3316.2500 PKR

So, you still have to spent a lot more on it to be able to wear it out on the streets.  And if you plan to buy a full 3 piece dress then you ought to have enough money in your wallet which is enough (not really enough but has the potential; or compulsion) [lets just say they are forced to, as they don’t have more than it] to pay all the expenses of a family of 6 (I am not talking about the 1% elite) in most of the Pakistan and also the will (and guts; which I don’t have at all) to spend it on one dress.

Ladies Pret Wear at JJ (Check for yourself; Product code: JJPW-JP-457-JV-382) is for 3150 USD which is equivalent to 14212.500 PKR

And the best part is that this is not even remotely a beautiful dress -_-

Yet fashion instep comments:

As Junaid Jamshed has already impressed the entire country with his outstanding voice quality in the similar way, he has also won the heart beat of many Pakistanis by putting forward his attractive clothes collection for men, women and kids.

I personally don’t see who those “many Pakistanis” are.  Also, I don’t even see where this nation is going and what kind of Islam are we following..

P.S: The Pakistani Currency equivalent was calculated according to the currency rates on the day of posting this blog i.e. Wednesday, September 5, 2012.

How to get over your Ex

Disclaimer:  This post is written in completely positive spirit.  The writer would not be responsible for any loss to the property (like ‘accidentally’ setting the house up on fire or clogged toilet etc.) or any other side effects…

I’ve been reading about 5 to 10 ways of get over your ex kind of ‘thingies’, and hence I would like to share my awesome-ishly awesome insights on the topic as well.

According to my opinion, those tips might not be completely useless but I know one thing for sure; they require time and this is what people normally don’t have or don’t want to spend. So I have easier and faster methods for the purpose.

Step 1: Set Fire to the Rain

You don’t actually have to do that (I don’t see how that is possible).  Nor you have to listen to Adele’s song. I am using it as a metaphor.  So, all you have to do is to take a picture of your ex and  set it on fire. (It is advisable to take all the pictures and set them to fire; and to prevent setting all your house to fire, in case you have a whole lot of pictures, save them for the fire at fire place for winters or host a bonfire dinner cum barbeque party at your place).  Or simply dump them in the smelliest trash can in the neighborhood.  Make sure to delete all their pictures from your hard drive as well.  Cropping them out where ever possible has a divine feeling (trust me on this 🙂 ), simply delete the impossible to crop ones.

Step 2: Flush it Down the Toilet

Now as you set a couple of pictures to fire (do that around a toilet seat) and they are turning to ashes, throw them in the toilet (take shit on them f you feel like shitting, don’t force anything..) and flush.  Its epic.

Step 3: Break all promises

If you’ve ever made any promises about anything like ‘quit smoking’, ‘quit drinking’, ‘morning walk’, ‘having some thing (like ice-creams or chocolates) only with each other’ etc. immediately start doing vice versa.  Be yourself and stop being the person they’ve changed you into.  Just feel how awesome and perfect you were before they forced you into this skin you are living in now..

Step 4: Rename the Contact

Don’t you dare deleting the number, never ever.  It does not help.  Just rename it to something epic like ‘ass-face moron’, ‘pathetic douche’, ‘Bag of Shit’, ‘Crappy Butt’, ‘Justin Bieber’, ‘Lady Gaga’, ‘Gay Vampire’, ‘naked pedophile werewolf’ (let your imagination be your guide).  You’ll not only feel good about it but also wouldn’t be very eager to reply back or pick up the phone if they contact you a couple of months later.

Step 5: Bathroom Singing

Take a shower (as you might have got dirty by burning all the crap you have) and sing your favorite songs to the top of your voice until your neighbors show up at your door begging you for mercy.  And then you should happily grant their wish (no wonder you turn out to be my neighbor and I have to suffer from the voice of yours).

Step 6: Be Awesome

Now for the grand finale, groom yourself.  Get a new hair cut or a new hair dye, hair extensions (something that makes you look good).  Spend some time on yourself so that you turn out to be really pretty/handsome and then meet all the mutual friends (and make sure they take picture and out them up on their Facebooks) and have as much fun as possible.

Let them know what they’ve lost.  Happy Break up!

Not So Feminist..

I haven’t watched Cocktail (2012).  Its because I don’t watch Bollywood movies.  Its because I just don’t watch them; apart from everything else they don’t make any sense to me at all.  I haven’t even watched 3 idiots for that matter (they say its very awesome or something like it).  But I am not completely blind to them either (I couldn’t be, considering all those bill boards, banners, reviews, ratings and street views..)

I am not even a feminist.  But I don’t completely agree with the social gender roles defined (by the male dominant society?!!).  But I somewhat believe that all the feminists who might have watched Cocktail wouldn’t really be happy with it.  They shouldn’t be.  I am not (not that I am feminist; I don’t really know why I am emphasizing it.  May be its because of the Jahanzaib Haq of Jay’s Toons‘ Failed Relationship with a feminist)

I am pretty sure this is not what most of the girls want or do.. but they still deserve some respect towards their personal space from their better half..

Anyhow, Cocktail (as per I have been able to grab from the street views) revolves around a software engineer, Gautam Kapoor (Saif Ali Khan), who is on the horns of dilemma as his life has took a difficult turn, where he has to choose his life partner and the contestants are two very hot women Veronica (Deepika Padukone) and Meera (Diana Penty) [I don’t really think that I need to mention that I am being sarcastic over here; when people are dying of hunger, natural calamities, terrorism etc. this is his problem].

Nonetheless, the story continues and besides being aspirational and modern, finally chooses the girl who is ‘gharailu‘ (can cook, sew, dresses conservatively, is liked by his mom and stays at home).  Seeing this even the other wild-child and impulsive girl turns herself into a ‘gharailu’ women.

So, is this what men actually want?  Even Chetan Bhagat, a well known Indian author, columnist and speaker said in one of his reviews:

While the movie was fun, such depictions disturb me a little. When successful, strong women are portrayed as finding salvation in making dal and roti for their husbands, one wonders what kind of India we are presenting to our little girls.

And after reading the reviews (and watching the movies), I fail to understand what the film industry is trying to portray about the Asian Sub continent to the rest of the world.  Lets take example of Bollywood’s Slumdog Millionaire (Yeah! I watched it after the 8 Oscars it won), when the movie won 8 Oscars right after it was released, the nation dancing on the streets didn’t realize what damage those 8 Oscars have brought to them.  The real image of India was unveiled to the world (even people like me took out some time to just see what was worth that much Oscars in it?!).

Same is the case with Lollywood’s ‘BOL‘, and although the guy at Comics By Arslan is a sick pervert, he amazingly described the movie’s impact:

Shoaib Mansoor’s Bol, although might have been a great hit with an outstanding cast and crew, have done more damage then good.

Previously, I thought movies were for entertainment and news papers were enough to update us about the bullshit happening around.  But since this movie depicted every single problem this country is facing/enduring/cultivating, starting from poverty to homosexuality to harassment towards women to desire of a baby boy to over population to red light area to sectarian restlessness to f****** Truck Drivers to corrupt politicians to delayed/faulty justice to sleeping government (literally!), I’ve now decided is just another medium for exploiting one’s self.

P.S:  This is categorized in ‘My Failed Relationship’ because my ‘ex’ also wanted a ‘gharailu‘ girl, whereas, I turned out to be too social for a guy like him.

Kids These Days..

I miss being young and stupid (It’s not that I am very wise now; I am more of ‘old and stupid’ which obviously doesn’t go together or even remotely cute, it’s just.. um,.. I don’t know.  So, basically I just miss being young).  The good thing about being young and stupid that you can be stupid without being judged (and its cute too!).

But oh well, the other day (actually a lot of days back), I saw this music video of this song called Tere Liye by Abdullah Qureshi, and I realized that either kids these days aren’t young, or stupid or maybe they are very very stupid.

Although the song is really very amazing and this guy possess one heck of a voice and back in March 2012, when the Demo Version of this song was released,  it gave me goose bumps (Due to my recent breakup thingy may be 😉 ), anyhow I immediately fell in love with the song and shared it from my Facebook profile just to promote the good work (not to mention a buddy of mine, who is friends with the guy and asked me to share the song from my wall; over six hundred friends you know 😛 and yeah I also wanted to show the acquaintance with the upcoming rock-star, because then I thought that this voice is going far).

But a few months later when my sister told me to listen to the amazing song she just found on YouTube, I was shocked to see the video and the goose bumps were all lost (may be because the break up is pretty much old now).

Now doubt the voice is still worth all the praise but the music video just sucks.  I am pretty sure the technical work, lights and camera work is very cool (although the fraandship messages on paper at the signal between the two ‘kids’ weren’t very easily readable but okay.) but the message in the video (i.e. if there is any message at all) does not make any sense at all.

So, there are two kids, 8 years of age (max); a girl and a boy.  The girl fell in love with the boy and gave him a paper heart which he instantly tear apart without even looking at it (literally!) [I mean may be she was doing some volunteer work for cardiac patients or some awareness campaign about e heart disease; I know what you are thinking that she is just eight! Just continue reading and it will all make sense].  She, all heart broke and on her way back home she saw a friend or a random stranger (I hope not) in the car next to hers and started pouring her heart out to him on paper messages and her driver or baby sitter (Abdullah Qureshi) does not even care what is happening in the car (off course he is busy singing).  And then as in all advertisement love stories they ate cornetto while the other boy is busy playing with his iPhone (give me a break! I got my first cell phone when I got into University) and laptop (I got my personal laptop also when I got in to Uni and also because my degree is totally about computers and programming and stuff, but I am glad it was just Lenovo, I’ve got Dell, which by the way sucks too) and while eating chocolate he started entrepreneurship!!? (I should probably just die)
And then he gets so much success that he buys a new car (which is not less than a GLI may be, since it is not completely visible in the video and also I am not very good with guessing the cars by only seeing a quarter of them for only a single second; *scream* AND I still don’t have my own car *scream*, because my parents don’t think that I am old enough yet though I have a license) or probably I am just over reacting and being ‘judgy’, as in they might be 25 as well only dwarfs.. (Seriously? On which part of this earth are they selling cars to 8 year old kids? And giving them keys to drive it home from the show room? I should ask the What the Fuck Fact‘s admin to do a little research on it).

Just have a look at this picture in which the kids have to get on their toes to reach up for the candies on a regular shelf at a shop. How on earth can a kid of this size see the road while sitting on the driving seat??!

Anyhow the guy has got talent and maybe I am just jealous of his popularity.  Do give a try to his official YouTube channels for a real treat to your years (you might want to turn off the screen while the official video of Tere Liye is playing):
https://www.youtube.com/user/QureshiAbdullah
And you might also want to skip the ‘Mashup!’ where he literally murdered Adele’s Rolling in the Deep 😦

Once in a Blue Moon

Right after I finished watching ‘Life Happens’, which by the way turned out to be a great tragic comedy where Kim (Krysten Ritter), Deena (Kate Bosworth) and Laura (Rachel Bilson) are struggling around a ‘fantabolous’ life with their personal opinions defining the word fantabolous, realized in the end that life happens while we are planning on a lot of things but in the end its us who let go of our own dreams and ideas, anyhow it isn’t the point, the point is that I received a text from a friend, telling me to watch out of the window and ‘check out’ the moon since it’s the blue moon.. Woahh

Now what’s with all this blue moon frenzy?  It’s just another full moon which happens to be in the same month.  Well technically the big is that this happens only once in every 2 and a half year, it’s not actually blue in color or with any good or bad side effect.

But its just rare.  Frankly, I don’t even consider it rare. For the record the Transits of Venus occur in cycles of 243 years with the current pattern of transits being pairs of transits separated by eight years, at intervals of about 105.5 years or 121.5 years, even transits of Mars occur every 26, 79 and 100 years and Mercury comes around 13 or 14 times in a century (Ya, I know, the information is copy pasted from Wikipedia..), but the point is, it’s not that big a deal. Or is it?

And that is exactly how a blue moon does NOT looks like

You see the image of the moon above?  That is obviously Photoshopped.  It’s just the ordinary moon only an extra for the year. Not to mention the crazy myths about Humans, cats and dogs getting sick, injured and mad and completely ignoring the witch craft related to it.  But even that is not the point.

The point is that my friend was able to convince me to step into my balcony and have a look at the full and bright blue moon, hiding behind the curtains of clouds.  And as soon as I stepped out on my balcony, I felt… well, um, nothing.  Not even a chill.  It’s just August I mean.

But not to disappoint my friend, I tried to feel the presence of the moon above my head and breathe in the blue moon-ny air.  I tried to feel the blue moon staring back at me, while I was looking on to it and tried to absorb the blue moon-ness (I just invented this word) into my veins (okay, I know I am going nowhere with this 😉 ), I got this icky feeling that ‘someone’ else is also watching this moon right now (Duhh, a lot of people are watching it, like the science geeks, astronomers, witches, werewolves and random people but hello! the quotations, they mean something).  Someone is at the roof top just like I am in my balcony and staring at the moon.  It felt nice and not-so-nice at the same time.

And considering that beside having this strong feeling in me, I cannot confirm it, because the distance between me and him is even more than the distance between me and this blue moon (No he does not went on NASA’s Curiosity Rover).  And right after when I thought I was over it, here I am missing him again, but the point is (finally!!) that after all the not-bothering-myself-in-missing-promises I made to myself, I now think that its okay to miss him once in a full moon.